Preventioneers!

Last week Corey Ann and I met with two other awesome prevention teams; the Houston Area Women’s Center and the Fort Bend County Women’s Center. A motivating factor to having this meeting of the prevention minds was to gain insight into what other agencies are doing and how we can all improve together. It was great to hear stories, share ideas, and gain perspective on what other people in the state are doing to prevent sexual violence! The entire meeting was charged with positive energy and a desire to help improve all of our prevention techniques.

Ft. Bend County Women’s Center

Let’s be honest – prevention can be complicated. To see so many passionate preventioneers and learn new techniques helped me realize that communication around this work is so important. A variety of topics are included when talking about preventing violence because all forms of oppression can lead to violence. To throw another layer of complication on top of this, we work with youth. While students can be very charged and passionate, like most other people they will mentally “check-out” if we are irrelevant or just plain boring. Hearing how other agencies stay accountable to youth while keeping youth engaged is motivating. Improvement is always possible.

The key to good prevention work is access to knowledge, tools, and resources. In a world where youth are constantly changing and navigating new obstacles, prevention techniques need to be right there with them. With the ability to shift and grow with youth, we can help them tackle new problems and build with them to stop sexual violence.

Thank you Houston Area Women’s Center and Ft. Bend County Women’s Center for all of your fantastic work!

~MichaelElaine M. Stark; Structured Education Coordinator

Check out this Amazing Volunteer!

Every Tuesday morning like clockwork, Volunteer Donations Manager, Mimi Kotz arrives at the Hope Alliance Administrative Office on Gattis School Road and picks up the many items that have been generously donated by caring individuals and community organizations. Mimi gathers, sorts, and delivers the items, which can range from books, food, toiletries and clothing to pieces of furniture. She is also an expert inventory person who always knows what items are most needed by our clients.

Last summer, Mimi joined Hope Alliance when she volunteered as a shelter and hotline advocate. Before long, she realized coordinating donated items was the most fulfilling way to give her time to our organization and clients.

“Mimi is the most cheerful person I have ever met,” says Hope Alliance Receptionist, Delia Arellano who is usually the first person to greet Mimi when she arrives in the mornings. “Mimi’s a great asset to our agency, and I don’t know what we would do without her,” says Delia.

According to Mimi, one of the reasons she decided to become a Hope Alliance volunteer was because she recognized the struggles survivors of domestic violence and sexual assault face and wanted to do her part for “the cause.” Mimi explained that she is a retired teacher who had some extra time on her hands and wanted to give back to her community.

One of the major projects Mimi coordinated for the shelter was spending hours completely reorganizing the women and children’s storage units. According to Shelter Director, Kate Tolliver, “Mimi takes complete responsibility for shelter donations. She completely organized the storage units, and they’re so organized it’s now like walking into a store.” Mimi even added plastic department store size rings to the clothing racks in order to simplify the selection and fitting process.

Mimi says she is having a “blast” as the Volunteer Donations Manager. All of us at Hope Alliance are truly grateful to have Mimi as a member of our team.

If you are interested in becoming a volunteer with Hope Alliance, please contact Jay Smith at jay.smith@hopealliancetx.org

This article is part of the Hope Alliance Newsletter. If you’d like to receive this electronic newsletter, please email Melinda Smith at melinda.biggs@hopealliancetx.org

Pride Month!

June is the national LGBTQA Pride Month! (That assembly of letters stands for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transgender, and Allies!)

In honor of Pride Month, I would like to talk about some issues still faced by the LGBTQA community. The right to feel safe and secure in your own environment and community is a corner stone of the LGBTQA movement. Unfortunately, intimate partner violence is just as prevalent in LGBTQA relationships as it is in heterosexual relationships.

While the victims in these relationships may face a similar set of challenges as heterosexual victims,  there may be additional methods of abuse. For example, the threat of being “outed” by the abusive partner can be used to maintain control. Being outed can jeopardize jobs, family relationships, community relationships, and take the choice of coming out away from the partner with less power. Also, the fear of bringing more negativity or criticism to the queer community can be used to silence victims. Often many survivors are unaware of LGBTQA resources and supportive organizations that can help them or those resources are underfunded and small.

The cycle of violence can look very similar to that of a heterosexual situation. Violence is about seeking power, and finding it by taking it from someone else. All of us look for power in our daily lives: what we buy, where we go, what we wear, even what job we have. Because the LGBTQA community is still disenfranchised they may encounter violence in their home life as well as in the community. For survivors who are in an abusive LGBTQA relationship, seeking help and support is just as important, and extremely difficult, as it is for anyone facing violence.

I am proud of how far we have come to ensure civil rights for all citizens. This is something to be acknowledged. But, let us also take a moment to look at how much further we have to go: The right to equality, safety, and happiness for all.

For more information about LGBTQA issues and information on domestic violence please visit the Texas Council on Family Violence website!

Everyone loves SALSA!

No, I’m not talking about chips and salsa. This SALSA is even more important for our world than that delicious derivative of tomatoes. I’m talking about the amazing Sexual Assault Legal Services and Assistance program here in Texas!

I met with a few attorneys from SALSA on Friday to learn about their program. We spent a lot of time brainstorming how we could support them and vise versa. I left so energized and excited that I had to share their info with you.

First off, SALSA is a project of the Texas Legal Services Center and the Texas Association Against Sexual Assault. They work to provide free, confidential legal assistance to all survivors of sexual violence throughout Texas.

They have an incredibly easy intake process that can be completed online or over the phone. From there, the applicant will receive followup from a staff member to discuss the details of the situation. I was intrigued to hear that many people don’t realize how many legal services and rights they are entitled to as a victim of sexual violence. SALSA addresses legal issues in connection with sexual violence and safety, housing, finances, employment, education, immigration, privacy, or criminal cases. They are really comprehensive and advocates to the core.

It is so exciting to learn about this progressive, client-centered, coordinated agency that works to create a better world. As difficult and frustrating as it is to deal with sexual violence, it is a relief to know people can access these competent, high quality services for free.

Thanks, SALSA, for all you do and will do!

-Corey Ann Seldon
Sexual Violence Prevention Specialist

Make your search…a Good Search!

How many people does a large pizza feed? What was the name of that movie? How many seconds are in a year? These questions and more are continuously typed into a search engine by us curious people as we seek answers to our random, and not so random, questions.

Search engines like “Google” and “Bing” are favorites among many. But, have you heard of Good Search? This search engine, which is run by Yahoo, actually pays nonprofit organizations for every time you use their engine! Donating to Hope Alliance has never been easier. Good Search will donate at least 1 cent for every search you make, more if you purchase something from your search. This is amazing, and it really adds up. With no advertising and lots of searching, our supporters are raising money for Hope Alliance right now! Think how much we could raise if we all stopped using the other search engines and only used Good Search! We would be rolling in the dough!

Cool, so how do you do this? Simple! Go to Goodsearch.com, select Hope Alliance Williamson County Crisis Center, add Good Search to your toolbar (not mandatory) and start searching. Something so easy can help us raise the money needed to keep our services going.

Thank you so much for taking the time to use Good Search and for convincing all of your friends, family, acquaintances and enemies to use it for Hope Alliance, too.

-Melinda Biggs
Development Director

A Stepping Stone to Violence

Hello! My name is MichaelElaine and I am the new Structured Education Coordinator with the Prevention Team. I will be taking over for Brooke and although I am really sad to see her go I am very excited about this position and look forward to working here at Hope Alliance!

Part of my training (since I will be working with kids soon) is to read up on things like parenting skills, how to talk to kids, and adultism. Now, I do not have children – so most of this information is fascinating to me and has left me with a deeper appreciation for my own mother’s struggles to raise me. However, this new “ism” has been introduced to my world. And it just flipped everything upside down. One helpful definition of adultism comes from Dr. Barry Checkoway (University of Michigan in Ann Arbor) and he states adultism is, “all of the behaviors and attitudes that flow from the assumption that adults are better than young people, and are entitled to act upon young people in many ways without their agreement.”

When someone is constantly stripped of their own power over their bodies and life (ie, what and when they eat, where they go to school, what clothes they can or cannot wear, what television or movies they can or cannot watch, what friends they are not supposed to hang out with etc etc etc…) they will reach out for power of their own. This reach translates into many different forms. They might try to control other kids (bully), retreat into themselves, defy school expectations by not completing school work, or turn to drugs, alcohol, or sex in an attempt to regain power.

Where this concerns me most is when young adults (and adults) attempt to gain power by controlling someone else in an intimate relationship. Behaviors of control are learned by seeing those behaviors in adults and believing them to be acceptable. Those who are taught it is safer not to challenge power are at risk for becoming a victim simply because they are so used to power being held over them. A teen whose voice is rarely respected by her parents and teachers may not believe they have the ability to voice a “no” to her boyfriend or peers because her “no” has never been taken seriously before.

Adultism is an oppression all of us have encountered. The experience is long standing and can last for years. Because of this repeated experience of being controlled, the cycle becomes internalized. Expecting an imbalance of power becomes part of our world and is accepted. Slowly I am beginning to realize that this power and control dynamic is not a natural thing. And exactly like most areas of discrimination, oppression, and inequity, adultism has become ingrained in us so deeply that it is very hard to see.

Now I have to ask the question, “What does a world look like without parental control!? Children would go wild!…Wouldn’t they?” The answer to that question is yes, children without some form of guidance and boundaries would probably go a little crazy (and this makes sense because they like to explore everything!). But fighting adultism is not about giving kids free reign of the world and just sitting back to watch what happens. Countering adultism involves creating a space where children are active and heard members of our world- a world which they already exist in!

Hearing children and teens when they express their feelings and desires is one way to create equal spaces. Even though there will still be times when the answer is “no”, listening to them helps teach them how to voice what they need. This can also give them tools and coping skills to  learn how to handle the let down if their needs cannot be fulfilled. Having their voice heard can eliminate the feeling of loss of control and minimize unhealthy means of gaining control.

Through acting as guides to children – instead of attempting to control what they do- you create a space for them to learn healthy behaviors through modeling what they see, expressing their needs, learning how to voice their own “no”, and building skills to compromise and accept the needs of others.

Adultism is a basic and pervasive area of oppression and control. As such, adultism becomes the stepping stone for all other forms of oppression and is where techniques of taking control are first learned. This is why challenging adultism is an important part of eliminating violence among adults as well as towards children.

A much needed THANK YOU

April 22-28 is National Crime Victims’ Rights week across the USA. The 2012 theme is “Extending the Vision: Reaching Every Victim.” This theme was inspired by the President’s Task Force Report on Victims of Crime in 1982. This task force set in motion 30 years of  supporting and reaching victims.  It acknowledges the expansive impact of crime on our society. The vision focuses on comprehensive, enforceable, responsive, and informed victim services.

Today in Georgetown, we celebrated Williamson County’s work towards this vision. Hope Alliance was honored to recognize an incredible community member and advocate: Officer Kristy Whitley-Britt with the Cedar Park Police Department.

Haleigh Bolton, Rural Outreach Advocate and Officer Kristy Whitley-Britt

Officer Whitley-Britt has been previously applauded for her patrol work in domestic violence situations. Today, we publicly praised her service to helping a victim of stalking gather numerous police reports from across the county. This consolidation of victimizations helped argue for a stalking protective order, which is one of the hardest to be granted. We are grateful for the foresight, compassion, and passion that any person brings to working with victims.

To see more awards across the nation, click here.

Words of Hope

In honor of Sexual Assault Awareness Month, our amazing advocates embarked on an art project.
They invited women participating in our support group and living in the shelter to make a piece of art from a re-purposed item. We plan on auctioning these items off at our Hope Uncorked event on Tuesday! For now these incredible pieces are hanging at the Round Rock Public Library on Main St.

Each survivor received a previously painted canvas or an unusual object. Each artist reflected on their experience before placing her words on their canvas. They painted over these words, and in the last step – lifted the letters off of the canvas – displaying the “old beauty” unfolding into a “new beauty with hope.”

We encourage you to stop by the library or attend our event on Tuesday!

Sexual Assault Awareness Month

April marks Sexual Assault Awareness Month. This is a month which, let’s be honest, we wish we didn’t need. But we know that rape and assault happens on a daily basis, and the more we become aware, the more we can work to eliminate it. 

Wouldn’t that be something? The elimination of rape? So that if it ever did occur, people would be horrified and confused – how could THAT happen? Here? In this world we created?

I’ll be writing about some contributing factors to sexual assault, but for now I encourage you to visit Texas Association Against Sexual Assault‘s website to utilize their Toolkit. 

Hope all is well!
-Corey Ann 

“I did what I was supposed to…!”

This semester I am embarking on a new journey…a journey that in its most successful moments could lead to amazing change. Which is to say that my sights are pretty high so I’m trying to stay grounded and take it one step at a time.

What is this new journey? Well! While Brooke is in Florence Middle School doing prevention for 7 full classes (gasp!) I am working on training teachers to implement our prevention curricula, Project Empowerment. (We are both still in McCoy Elementary working with the lil ones!)

One of the teachers I work with is at Hutto Middle School. She works hard to improve her own curriculum while incorporating ours. She has completed three of the 10 lessons – respect agreement, power in personal identity, and power in society. These lessons set up the framework for the rest of the curriculum and can be enjoyable to facilitate.

Unless, of course, you get a curve ball. Which is exactly what happened. The second session is all about understanding our own power and control in situations. We use the game, Cross the Line, to start this conversation. In Cross the Line, participants are asked to stand and “cross” an imaginary line if a statement read is true for them. They can always choose to not cross and they can define the statement for themselves. For example, if I said, “Cross the line if you have a brother.” Someone might cross for having a biological brother, a half/step brother, another relative or friend who they consider a brother, etc. The game is done in silence so no one is explaining their action or calling each other out.

So! The teacher facilitates the game. The students sit down. They talk about what they had power over and what they didn’t. They talk about how people try to get more power and what ways are healthy or unhealthy. Bell rings. Class leaves. The teacher and I debrief, then high five.

Then the next day comes. And the teacher (wisely) has them write what they liked and didn’t like about the previous class. The class lists three predominant areas of dislike:

1. They said the questions were too personal.
2. They felt they HAD to cross the line if something was true for them because their teacher was asking.
3. They reported that some of the students had broken confidentiality – which was an agreement of the class.

The teacher addressed each of these in a dialogue with the students. She connected the first two points together – acknowledging that some of the questions were personal but they didn’t have to answer them. Unless, of course, they felt pressure to answer them because of the classroom setting. Which she processed with them about why these lessons weren’t like normal class – and encouraged the students to think about how they want to participate with each other and her. She shared that in the future, the students will consistently be able to determine how in depth they want to participate and never be pushed beyond their boundaries.

Then she addressed the third complaint about confidentiality. A few students voiced the opinion, “If they didn’t want people to know then they shouldn’t have crossed the line or said anything.” The teacher engaged the students in a dialogue about the reasons for confidentiality, how we feel when rumors are spread, and why it was a key component of their class. Then everyone agreed to maintain it, regardless of how small or big the information.

After the rundown of this story I asked the teacher how she felt when the students were listing their dislikes. She said, “I thought…I did what’s in the book (curriculum)! Why didn’t they like it?!”

We both laughed at this completely natural reaction! I did what I was supposed to! Don’t you like it?

What is absolutely so wonderful about this experience – and one reason I couldn’t stop grinning – is that when the lesson works – it is fantastic. But when it doesn’t work – it still provides an opportunity to learn and develop. Which is exactly what this teacher did. She let the students voice their opinions, their expectations, and their hurt. She used this to help bring the class closer together, validate her respect for them, and prompt their respect for each other.

On the journey of training teachers, I am giving this experience high marks.

Have a great day!
-Corey Ann Seldon
Sexual Violence Prevention Specialist